I was looking to fly to NY to visit my father and stepmother after we found out that she had had a stroke. Since I was flying to Florida, I thought I could quickly jump over to NY. But then we got word that she took a turn for the worse, so we planned to fly the red-eye on Thursday night. And then on Tuesday we got word that she had potentially between a few hours and a day. So we booked a red-eye flight for Tuesday night.
When we arrived, we headed on the AirTrain to the rental car place. It was then when I received the text that my beloved stepmother, Hinda bas Tzvi, had left this world. I called my father to see what we could do. He said, just meet me at the house, Chevra Kadisha will be coming soon, there’s no need to come to the hospital anymore.” I said OK, and then told my wife what my father had said. She turned to me and said, “Of course we’re going to the hospital, now is when you need to be there.” We arrived about 1.5 hrs after her soul left this world, and I went up to the room by myself. I walked right into my fathers arms and just hugged him. He broke into tears with no immediate words and we cried together for a minute or two. He then said, “She was so good to me, such a wonderful woman. She suffered so much, so much suffering.” Both were true. She was great for my father, and she suffered so much over the last 3-4 years, yet she never complained.
I stayed with my father in the Hospital until Chevra Kadisha came. And then we headed home about an hour later. My wife went ahead to the house so I could spend time with him. He was somewhat prepared for her passing, especially since the stroke of last week. During our car ride home, he spoke of her pain but was focused on her greatness. Baruch Hashem, we were able to be with him for the rest of the day and night. During that time we were able to work on scheduling shiva hours, plan for food deliveries, misaskim for chairs and siddurim, schedule funeral speakers, and anything else logistically needed for the levaya as he sat making calls to friends and family. He was grateful for us taking care of all of those things, giving him the freedom to make all the necessary calls.
From the funeral in Boro Park, we drove 1.25 hours to the cemetery, the same place my grandparents and great-grandparents are buried. It was just me and my father through the ride, both ways, where he was able to share his thoughts about life, marriage, and companionship. It was a great time for him to open up and share his feelings. He is about 5 weeks away from his 81st birthday, and now he has to figure out how to spend the rest of his days. For the past 3 years he devoted himself full-time to taking care of my stepmother, but more than that, for 28 years they devoted themselves to each other.
Perhaps this is why some describe mitzvos as opportunities, not merely commandments. I am grateful for the G-D given opportunities to be in the right places at the right times. I hope to share thoughts of my stepmother soon. Yehi Zichra Baruch, May her memory be for a blessing.